1. Thou shalt prefer no other person over me; for I am an extremely jealous narcissist.
2. Thou shalt keep all my dirty secrets unto thee; or I shall rip thee to shreds and make thee suffer forever.
3. Thou shalt speak only flatteries about me; or I shall lapse into hysterical crying and self-pity.
4. Remember my birthday, to keep it holy; it's the least you can do after all I've sacrificed for you.
5. Honor me, no matter what I do or say; or I shall inflict pain and suffering upon you.
6. Thou shalt never be able to earn my love; but I shall rejoice in making you work for it anyway.
7. Thou shalt always commit to agree with me; or I will make thee suffer for all eternity.
8. Thou shalt not see what I steal from thee; lest I remind you how indebted you are to me.
9. Thou shalt not bear any truthful witness against me; for I shall deny everything.
10. Thou shalt envy me; and praise me, and respect me, and call me Wonderful.