But I must digress.. it isn't so much that my Narcissist mother truly feels a deep conviction in her religious beliefs (trust me, she doesn't) that she's speaking on God's behalf (like the Jonah and the Whale story). It's actually nothing more than her chronic desire to start (and win) an argument that's rearing its ugly head again.
And again and again and again.
Perhaps it wouldn't be so terrible (or embarrassing) if my Narcissist mother did her homework and actually researched a few (real) facts to corroborate her hate-campaigns; if she could stay focused on the actual topic of discussion; if other people weren't grumbling and wondering who the racist-hillbilly is on Facebook that keeps mysteriously showing up in every thread (regardless whether it's about politics, world affairs, religion, science, etc.) to start a fight without even knowing what the topic of discussion is about.. only to have every single thread turn into a raging argument focused solely on herself. Oh, and God, too.. because they will all see 'The Truth' someday soon when my Narcissist is seated at the right hand of God (Jesus will just have to go sit somewhere else!) on judgment day, completely vindicated when everyone who ever disagreed with her are sent to hell to burn forever, and my Narcissist mother (who is God's special-favorite) will have the pleasure of gloating -- "Ha ha! I told you so."
It's a definite pattern, and one that didn't just recently develop overnight when my Narcissist mother discovered Facebook. Starting pointless arguments (with everyone) has been one of her strikingly prominent traits for as long as I can remember (my earliest memories stretch back as far as being three years old), and probably goes back even further than that. Though I am not sure whether she was actually born evil, or if she learned her bad behaviors from watching her father. But that's another whole topic for later on.
Anyway.. the Narcissist's secrets are out for all to see. Anyone can google personality disorder clusters and follow the links. No one has to sit in darkness for years on end, wondering that there's something intrinsically and fundamentally wrong with that monster they know, whether parent or sibling or spouse.. or child. That monster has been exposed and it has a name -- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I was blown away when I stumbled across it one day on Google. Literally blown away, because all these years, all these decades, my whole entire life.. I never once considered that anyone else could possibly be as f****d-up as my mother. But I was wrong. January 2012 marks the beginning and the anniversary of my startling epiphany -- my mother has a Cluster-B personality disorder and the Narcissist's dirty secrets are finally out of the closet.
Terri M. © August 2012